Making a “Cheshbon Hanefesh”
The verse in this week’s Torah reading (Bamidbar 21:27) says in reference to a conquest which took place, “The prophets said, come to [the land of] Cheshbon.” The word used in this verse to refer to prophets is “moshlim,” which generally means “rulers.” The Talmud says (Bava Basra 78b) that this verse has another meaning; The rulers of their Yetzer (Evil Inclination) say, one should do the “Cheshbon,” which means taking an account. The ones who have taken control of their desires have taught from experience that the way to grow and conquer the Yetzer Hara is by soul-searching and making a “cheshbon hanefesh” – taking account of one’s deeds, goals and obligations.
Awareness – the Greatest Force
The Ramchal writes (Derech Eitz Chaim) that the greatest force against the Yetzer Hara is awareness. When one has clear and solid awareness of the truth about the purpose of life and of his spiritual state, the soul is strengthened and the Yetzer Hara is weakened. People are very busy throughout their lives with different calculations, figuring out the best ways to attend to their physical needs in life. So why should a person not take a little bit of time to contemplate his spiritual needs and think to himself, what is he about? Why was he brought into the world? What expectations does God have of him? What will be his end?
The Ramchal then gives a fascinating piece of advice and says that one of the most powerful remedies one can use against the Yetzer Hara, a tactic which is relatively easy and yields tremendous results is as follows: One should find a quiet moment every day to focus solely on thinking, “What have my forefathers done that God loved them so? What has our leader Moses done? What did King David do? What is the true goodness in life which I should attain as well?” The Ramchal ends off by stating that one who does not engage in these thoughts of introspection will find it extremely difficult to gain spiritual perfection. But one who makes it habit to do so, is very close to accomplishing it.
Old One, Old One!
Rabbi Yerucham Levovitz was once in the town of Radin, where the Chofetz Chaim, who was known for his great piety, lived. The Chofetz Chaim would regularly go to his attic to be alone while conducting introspection, and Rabbi Levovitz got permission from the family to listen from behind the door. Rabbi Levovitz heard the Chofetz Chaim admonish himself out loud as he said to himself, “Old one, old one! You have lived for so many years in this world, and you still have not managed to perform one single good deed with perfection!” Rabbi Yerucham Levovitz was so astounded by what he witnessed that he immediately returned home, and could not talk to others for a couple of weeks.
Take the Time to Think About your Real Life!
This is the way to true success in life. It may take a little discipline to set aside time to focus on these thoughts and take an accounting of one’s soul, but it does not require extreme effort; it is something anyone can do. People often complain when they experience frustration and say, “Why is God doing this to me?” or “Why isn’t God helping me with this?” But do we ever think to ourselves, “Am I living up to God’s expectations of me? Am I fulfilling all my obligations to God? Is there anything more I can do to show gratitude to God?
This simple practice has tremendous power to achieve true success in life. How can we ignore our Sages’ advice? We spend countless hours on a regular basis contemplating fulfilling our personal desires. Doesn’t it make sense to take just a portion of that time to contemplate the true meaning of our lives and to what extent we are fulfilling it?
By Rabbi Yitzchok Aryeh Strimber torah4every1@gmail.com
