How important is the dignity of others?
This week’s Torah reading tells us about how Jacob went to Charan, the birthplace of his mother, and stayed with his uncle, Lavan. They struck a deal, whereas Jacob would work for Lavan for seven years, and in exchange, when the seven years were completed, he would be granted Rachel, Lavan’s daughter, to be his wife. Lavan, the infamous swindler, could not pass up an opportunity to deceive someone, and when the wedding came he discreetly substituted his daughter Leah for Rachel. In the morning, when Jacob realized what had happened, he confronted Lavan for his misdeed. Lavan, in turn, said in his defense, “It is not our custom to marry off the younger daughter before the older one.” Ultimately, he ended up marrying Rachel as well, but not until he was forced to agree to work for another seven years. Our Sages tell us (see Rashi 29:25) that Jacob knew his uncle well and foresaw the likelihood of such fraud. In order to prevent the deception, he made up signs with Rachel which would identify that it was truly her. Although he wouldn’t actually see her because of the customary veil she would be wearing at the wedding, the secret signs would prove that it was indeed her. When the time for the wedding arrived, Jacob’s suspicion materialized, as Rachel saw that Leah was about to become the bride. She then realized that her sister was bound to experience tremendous humiliation. Jacob would inquire for the signs at the wedding as planned, and since Leah would not be able to provide them, she would be exposed to the crowd as an imposter and suffer terrible shame. In order to protect her sister’s dignity, she revealed to Leah the signs, so that she would be able to pass as Rachel. And so, the wedding proceeded uneventfully, and it wasn’t until the morning that Jacob realized what had happened.
This astounding act is not to be believed. Try to imagine Rachel coming to us with a dilemma. She is potentially about to lose the husband she waited seven years to marry. If she does nothing about the situation, her sister will be embarrassed temporarily, but she will get to marry Jacob. On the other hand, if she gives her sister the signs in order for Jacob to be deceived and marry Leah instead, to spare her from public shame, there is no guarantee that Rachel herself will ever merit to marry such a man. Without a doubt, we would say to her, “Are you out of your mind? This is your husband! You can’t give up marrying your fiancé just like that. It’s not your problem that your sister will get embarrassed; that’s between her and your father. You’re not even being actively involved in causing her shame, you have nothing to do with it. On the contrary, let her be embarrassed and have your father’s evil schemes be exposed once and for all in front of everyone!” Anyone could imagine Rachel’s mounting excitement in anticipation of the day of her wedding. She was willing to give up the man of her dreams just so that her sister should not experience a single incident of public shame because of her father’s scandalous behavior.
Rachel’s example is a lesson to us in the importance of preserving the dignity of another. This model is diametrically opposed to the prevalent attitude in society. The media lives off stories embarrassing others; the more shame the better. It is almost considered a virtue for an individual to slander publically anyone who may have done something less than ideal in his eyes.
I once learned a lesson in what it means to respect the dignity of others from Rabbi Slanger, the Rosh Yeshiva (dean) of the Yeshiva (school for Talmud study) which I attended. After I had once given a short speech at one of the meals, I got a message that the Rosh Yeshiva would like to speak to me. When I came to his office he berated me for something I said which upset him very much. He was furious at me, and to stress just how much so, he said to me, “I wanted to sit you down when you started saying that, but I held back for the sake of your dignity.” He was no softy, and I knew he meant it. Even though he had full right to stop me from talking publically in his institution in a way which he felt was inappropriate, he refrained from doing so in order not to cause shame to a young boy a quarter his age.
Lest we think that we have not been influenced by society, the fact that Rachel’s behavior seems so foreign to us proves how far we are from properly valuing the dignity of another. Perhaps her actions could serve as a light to us to realize how much it is incumbent upon us to preserve the dignity of others.
Parshas Vayetzei 5780/2019
torah4every1@gmail.com by Rabbi Yitzchok Aryeh Strimber
