Ask the Rabbi with Rabbi Chaim Mintz
I would have thought that the name of a child should be something inspiring, uplifting, or full of hope. Yet in the Torah, we find parents naming their children after bitterness and pain—like Miriam (bitter) and Ben Oni (son of my pain). Why would they do this?
Rabbi Chaim Mintz responds:
The Name Reflects the Essence
Naming a Jewish child is a profound responsibility, as the name reflects the spiritual essence of the child, and helps shape their unique character traits. The Vilna Gaon teaches that, when naming a child, parents are imbued with ruach hakodesh, guiding them to choose a name aligned with the child’s mission and potential. For this reason, we take great care to avoid names with negative associations. We do not name children after evil individuals, and when honoring righteous people who endured tragedy, it is customary to modify the name. Likewise, we refrain from names that evoke bad events or ideas, ensuring that every name carries a positive and meaningful message.
With this in mind, let us take a deeper look at the names you mentioned. Although at first they may seem to contradict this principle, upon deeper reflection, what appears negative is actually a profound source of inspiration.
Rising out of Bitterness
Miriam’s name does stem from the root mar (bitter), but that’s only part of the story. The second half of the name comes from the word rom, which means lofty, a very appropriate name. In fact, there was an amora whose name was Rami bar Chama, derived from the root rom. Miriam’s parents, Amrom and Yocheved, were prophetically declaring that while Miriam was born into the bitter slavery of Egypt, she would eventually rise to great heights, experiencing the loftiness of freedom after Yetzias Mitzrayim. This was the true meaning of her name—mar followed by rom.
My Pain is my Strength
Let’s now turn to Ben Oni. Oni does mean my pain. Rochel, with her dying breath from the agonizing childbirth, named her son after the pain that would end her life. But oni also has another meaning—strength! Yaakov refers to Reuven his firstborn as “Kochi vereishis oni—my might and my initial strength.”
Suffering, as difficult as it is, is ultimately for the person’s benefit. It cleanses the soul, helping atone for a person’s sins and allowing him to come closer to Hashem. Rochel, in her last moments, exclaimed that her oni, pain here on earth, would be the source of her oni, strength in the World to Come.
Not so Negative After All
Though these names may initially seem negative, they actually hold a powerful and inspiring lesson. The name Miriam reminds us that even in life’s most bitter moments, Hashem is with us, guiding us to eventual redemption and greater times. Similarly, Ben Oni teaches that all suffering, no matter how difficult, is ultimately for our good, strengthening us in either This World or the Next.
In short: Names are powerful. We do not give our children names with negative connotations. The names Miriam and Ben Oni, although they seem negative at first glance, are actually positive and inspiring.
Have another question to ask a rabbi? You can ask Rabbi Mintz your own question at asktherabbi@oorah.org, or head to oorah.org/asktherabbi/ to watch the latest Q&As or join Ask the Rabbi Live, Tuesdays at 9PM ET.
