Chesed Shel Emet – Kindness to the Dead
In the beginning of this week’s Torah reading, Yaakov (Jacob) summoned his son Yosef (Joseph) and requested of him to do “kindness and truth,” by burying him in the land of Israel. What is the meaning of “kindness and truth?” Rashi interprets it to mean, “chesed shel emet – true kindness.” What is “true kindness” as opposed to plain kindness?
Rashi explains that an act of kindness which is done for someone after his death is considered chesed shel emet, as opposed to an act of kindness done for someone who is alive. Why?
Ordinarily, when a person helps someone else, deep in the recesses of his mind, there is a tad of self-interest, and it is not pure kindness. Deep down, a person has a selfish motivation to do kindness because he thinks to himself that he may potentially benefit from the favor he is doing, by having the favor reciprocated one day by the person he is helping.
But when one performs an act of kindness for a person after he passes away, he knows that there is no chance that he will ever receive any kind of benefit in exchange for his deed from the person he is doing a favor for. Therefore, doing kindness to a person after he dies is true kindness. It is kindness without ulterior motives.
Chesed Shel Emet with the Living
In truth, this does not have to be limited to helping people only after they pass away. Any time we have a chance to be kind to someone without the recipient knowing of it, we have a chance to do “true kindness.”
Rabbi Shlomo Rothenberg, the Rosh Yeshivah (dean) of the Mountaindale Yeshivah (school for Talmud study), once asked his students, “What is the greatest act of chesed (kindness)?” His students offered various answers. But Rabbi Rothenberg was not satisfied with their answers, and said, “Let me tell you what the greatest form of chesed is. The greatest chesed one does is when he receives no appreciation for the favor he does. When one does chesed for someone who has no appreciation at all for what you do for them, then it is pure chesed, without ulterior motives.”
He then proceeded to share with his students an experience he recently had.
Rabbi, Please Help Me!
There was a couple who was experiencing challenges in their relationship. Rabbi Rothenberg would spend a lot of time counseling them from time to time, late into the night. One time, he attended a gathering where the woman he had helped was present as well. At some point, the woman stood up and started yelling at the Rosh Yeshivah over something that upset her, embarrassing him publicly.
Not longer after, this woman called him again to seek his counsel to restore peace between her and husband. She didn’t offer any apology for her recent offense; she just asked his for his help, as if she never did anything hurtful to him. Rabbi Rothenberg graciously offered his time and wisdom, without any reaction to the lack of gratitude.
Practicing Hidden Kindness
Engaging in chesed shel emet is the highest form of the special mitzvah (Torah commandment) of chesed. This is something every person can do on a regular basis. We can train ourselves to have this trait by seeking out opportunities to help others without them knowing about it. And the best place to start is at home and with the people around you. Tidy up when no one is around or put some stuff away that were left out, for the benefit of the people around you. Do a chore which is needed without being asked and without drawing attention. Bring a pitcher discreetly to the table for people to drink from, without people thinking twice about where it came from.
Look out for the needs of someone and provide him with them without him even realizing that you went out of your way to take care of it for him.
Let’s Embrace Chesed Shel Emet!
And certainly, we can work on ourselves not to actively seek recognition for chesed that we do, nor should we regret acts of kindness which go unappreciated. If we have an attitude of seeking to do true kindness, and we look out for such chances, we will find many opportunities on a daily basis to achieve tremendous greatness in chesed .
By Rabbi Yitzchok Aryeh Strimber torah4every1@gmail.com
