Ask the Rabbi with Rabbi Chaim Mintz
I don’t understand the mitzvah of “v’ahavta lerei’acha kamocha – love your friend like yourself.” You can command me to do or not do something, but love is a feeling, so either I love someone or I don’t! And what about someone who is unlovable – such as a socially off person or someone who gets on my nerves – should I force myself to love him?
Rabbi Chaim Mintz responds:
Acts of Love
This is indeed a strong question, and has been addressed by the greatest rabbis throughout the ages. Indeed, as the Ramban and Sefer Hachinuch point out, the Torah is not commanding us to have feelings we don’t have, as you can’t force yourself to love someone you don’t. They explain that the Torah is commanding us to do acts of love. This includes helping him in all different ways, and doing all the other things that people who love each other do for one another. Just as we are sure to take care of all our own needs, we should do the same for our fellow Jew, even when we don’t have actual feelings of love for him.
A Person is Molded by His Actions
But, to fulfill this mitzvah in its entirety, a person has to have the actual emotion of love for others – not by forcing yourself, but by working on yourself to love them. One way of attaining these feelings is through acts of love. As the Sefer Hachinuch teaches, “a person is molded by his actions.” Each act you do to show that you care for the other person will slowly instill in you feelings of love, until eventually you will actually start to love the other person.
Every Jew is a Child of Hashem
Another way is by recognizing how special every single Jew is. Think about how every Jew is a child of Hashem (God), molded in the image of God, is a descendant of our great forefathers, and was created with a soul that is greater than angels. In the very last words of the blessing recited before Shema – both in the morning and at night – we declare that Hashem loves the Jewish nation. So If Hashem loves each and every one of us, you should also. Once you begin to appreciate the greatness of the other person, he will become much more lovable.
In short: On a simple level, the mitzvah is to do acts of care and love. A higher level is to have feelings of love for the other person. This can be accomplished by doing good things for the other person, and by thinking about how special every Jew is and how much Hashem loves every Jew.
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