In this week’s Torah portion, Moses tells the Jewish people that if they observe the commandments properly, G-d will destroy all of their enemies. In that spirit…
Who had the tallest family tree in history?
Haman. His family tree was 50 cubits tall!
Fast forward a few thousand years and another mortal enemy of the Jewish people met his death on the gallows: Saddam Hussein. Which brings us to the following joke:
There is a custom in many countries that the night before a prisoner is executed, he is given a choice of whatever food he wants and and much food as he wants for his last meal. The night before his execution, the prison guards offered Saddam Hussein a meal. They asked him, “Mr. Hussein, how much food would you like for your last supper?”
“I want a thousand pounds of food.”
They asked him, “Mr. Hussein, why so much?”
So Saddam answered, “I WOULD LIKE TO EAT LIKE THERE’S NO TOMORROW!”
The prison guards brought him a thousand pounds of food. After he finished eating, Saddam asked the guard for a bencher (a prayer book). The guard was puzzled. “What do you need a bencher for?”
Saddam Hussein smiled. “I WOULD LIKE TO MAKE MY BRACHA ACHARONA!” (after blessing, lit. last blessing.)
by Rabbi Yaakov Moskowitz
Moshe Handler
says:Mrs. Goldstein was visiting Iraq and staying in a secure hotel. She was bored and wanted to go shopping at a store where she thought she would be safe. So she went down to the hotel desk and asked.
“Can you direct me to the nearest Walmart store?”
“There are no Walmarts in Iraq.” answered the desk clerk.
“Why not?” asked Mrs. Goldstein.
“Because,” replied the clerk dryly. “There is a Target at every corner.”
Julian Marks
says:In a certain shul when the congregation was reciting the Shema half stood and half sat. Those who stood shouted at the those sitting to stand and those sitting shouted at the others to sit down. One of the congregation, fed up with all this noise consulted a learned rabbi on the problem. He asked the rabbi whether it is the tradition to stand when saying the Shema; he replied “no”. He then asked is it the tradition to sit while saying the Shema; again the rabbi replied “no”. But the man said to the rabbi that in our shul half stand and half sit and those that stand shout at the others to stand while those seated shout at those standing to sit. The learned rabbi thought for a moment and pronounced “that is the tradition!”
mrs. horowitz
says:Cute. But actually the joke is that they argued whether to stand or sit by Nishmas. It is actually preferable to sit by Shema.