BASEBALL AND ME
First of all, a very happy birthday to me. In honor of my birthday, I would like to share a true story. Somebody once came over to me and said, “Yankel, you are acting like such a baby!”
I shrugged my shoulders and answered, “I can’t help it; I was born that way!”
This week’s Torah portion discusses the idea of korbanos, animal sacrifices which the Jewish people brought on the Alter in the times of the Holy Temple. The animal was first slaughtered in a process called shechitah, ritual slaughter. That reminds me of a joke:
Why did the cow refuse to be slaughtered?
BECAUSE IT’S A PAIN IN THE NECK!
The animal’s blood was not allowed to spill on the ground. It was collected in a holy vessel that was held right next to the animal. This part of the process is called kabbalas dam, receiving the blood. That reminds me of another joke.
What do kabbalas dam and baseball have in common?
THEY BOTH HAVE A PITCHER AND A CATCHER!
In that spirit… What do you call a korban on an airplane?
A SACRIFICE FLY!
Another baseball joke:
Did you hear about the baseball player that got into a car accident?
IT WAS A HIT AND RUN!
This leads to a very personal joke (also in honor of my birthday).
Why do many New Yorkers like my jokes?
BECAUSE THEY ARE YANKY FANS!
By Yankel Moskowitz
Eva
says:Loved your jokes. Here’s one I think you’ll enjoy:
Joseph is thrilled to be taking Bracha, his 95year old mother to see the hit show, “Fiddler on the Roof.” He’s excited not only because Bracha hasn’t seen it before, but also because she came to America in the late 1930s from one of the many Anatevka-like Russian shtetls.
Not only does Joseph book the most expensive seats in the theatre, but he also buys Bracha some smart new clothes to wear. And on the night of the show, he even orders a stretch limo to take them there and back. He wants it to be a memorable evening and doesn’t want to leave anything to chance.
On the night of the show, they arrive in style, take their seats and watch the performance. And as soon as the final curtain comes down, Joseph asks Bracha, “Well Mom, what did you think of the show? Be honest. Did it bring back any memories for you?”
Bracha sits there for a while, then turns to Joseph and gives both a nod and a classic JMS (Jewish Mother Shrug). “Yes bubbeleh, it did,” she replies, “but I really don’t remember that much singing.”
Found this at http://www.yelp.com/topic/san-francisco-nice-clean-jewish-jokes