ARE YOU GOLDBERG?
In this week’s Torah portion, we come across a very special mitzvah, to track down and kill all practitioners of witchcraft. Let’s imagine for a moment what this may have looked like.
Our opening scene takes us to the king’s palace. The king is talking to his general.
KING: We must kill out all the witches in this land. A witch may be a man or a woman, young or old, skinny or fat-
GENERAL: (interrupts king) Your Majesty. If a witch can be any type of person, how do we know if a person is a witch?
KING: We have a list of all witches in the country. Basically, we went around the country and any person found holding a broom was assumed to be a witch.
GENERAL: Your Majesty, don’t you think that you are jumping to conclusions? Just because someone is holding a broom, that’s not proof that he is a witch!
KING: Well, it’s called a WITCH HUNT for a reason!
GENERAL: You are right. The problem of witchcraft has been going on for years and for too long we have been sweeping it under the rug.
The general takes the list from the king and begins to knock on doors.
GENERAL: Is this the Goldberg family?
PERSON: Yes, it is.
GENERAL: Are you the Goldberg I am looking for?
PERSON: Which Goldberg are you looking for?
GENERAL: HOW DID YOU KNOW I WAS LOOKING FOR WITCH GOLDBERG? YOU MUST BE A WITCH!!
Yehuda Beyda
says:These are not the Goldbergs you are looking for.