TICKETS PLEASE!!
This week Torah portion is one of the hardest to write a jokes column about. Most of Parshas Bechukosai contains the tochacha, Admonition, a solemn recounting of the tragedies that will befall the Jewish people should they stray from the Torah. Unlike most Torah portions which either tell over the story of the Jewish nation or teach us the laws of the Torah, this week the Torah gives a detailed description of both the rewards and consequences of being a Torah Jew.
When the Jews obey the Torah, we are told, there will be lots of rain and plentiful crops. The Jews will be victorious over their enemies. If, however, the Jews violate the Torah, the opposite will occur. It is important to point out that when G-d gives consequences, it is not meant as an act of revenge or anger. It is meant for the advantage of the sinner and the world at large. A perfect analogy for this is a police officer who pulls over a motorist and gives him a ticket for speeding. The cop has nothing personal against the driver. Even so, the police officer must give the driver a ticket because if he is not discouraged from speeding again, the driver may get in an accident and harm himself and others on the road. That leads me to the following humorous incident:
A guy was pulled over for driving 50 miles over the speed limit. The officer tells him, “Sir, I have been following you for the past 20 minutes. Do you know what you did wrong?”
The driver answers, “Yes, officer, I know exactly what I did wrong. I FORGOT TO CHECK MY REAR-VIEW MIRROR BEFORE I STEPPED ON THE GAS!”
Another guy was pulled over for speeding. The policeman gives him a ticket and starts heading back to his car. The driver yells out to the cop, “Officer, do me a favor. PLEASE CALL ME UP IF I WIN!”
Final joke:
A guy was pulled over for speeding and the cop motions to him to roll down the window. The cop tells the driver, “Sir, I’m sorry to tell you but you were driving 50 miles over the speed limit. That will be a $500 fine and five points on your license.”
When the drivers hears this, he’s thrilled. “Officer, I am so excited. I never got so many points in my entire life! How many points can I get all together?”
The police officer answers, “Well, you can get up to 12 points.”
“Officer, this is just too good to be true. What do I get when I have all 12 points?”
The police officer grins. “Sir, if you have 12 points, then YOU GET A BIKE!”
By R’ Yaakov Moskowitz
