Jealousy in the Torah: Understanding the Mitzvah

Jealousy in the Torah

לֹא תַחְמֹד בֵּית רֵעֶךָ לֹא תַחְמֹד אֵשֶׁת רֵעֶךָ וְעַבְדּוֹ וַאֲמָתוֹ וְשׁוֹרוֹ וַחֲמֹרוֹ וְכֹל אֲשֶׁר לְרֵעֶךָ

Do not covet your fellow’s house. Do not covet your fellow’s wife, or his servant or his maidservant, or his ox or his donkey, or all that belongs to your fellow.
Shemot (Yitro) 20:13 – The last of the Ten Commandments

How can God ask us to control an emotion that He gave us in the first place?

The last, and one of the most importantⁱ, of the Ten Commandments challenges us to live peacefully alongside others who may have things we don’t. We know that we can’t sneak into someone’s home and take their car keys, new phone, or designer accessories. It asks us not just to avoid takingⁱⁱ what isn’t ours, but to control the very feeling of wanting it.

You may think that your thoughts are simple, that as long as you’re careful to never act on them, you’ll be fine. The Torah teaches us the opposite! “העין רואה והלב חומד והגוף עושה את העבירות” The eye sees, the heart wants, and the body runs to do sinsⁱⁱⁱ. Thoughts are the catalyst for the formation and execution of a plan to acquire the item that you want.

How could Hashem (God) place us in a position where we will be surrounded by people who all have different things, if He doesn’t want us to be jealous?! Jealousy is an impulsive, natural reaction to living with others; how can we possibly be commanded to control it?

Realistically Thinking…

Our Sages^iv teach us that intelligent, honest people can control their emotions and give a fascinating explanation. Imagine^v a poor, humble peasant in search of a wife. His options are limited; he might marry another peasant, or perhaps the daughter of a tailor or shopkeeper. Would he ever realistically dream of marrying the princess? Of course not! He knows that the princess isn’t a possible match for him and doesn’t even wish he could marry her.

We only truly desire that which we think is within our reach. Our desires are therefore determined by our thoughts and the way that we view ourselves. Just like the peasant isn’t bothered that he can’t marry the princess because his view of himself is as a humble peasant, we can indeed change our perceptions of ourselves to see what is within our realm.

We therefore can have some control over what we want. Our feelings can feel really strong, but we can change how we think. By understanding our strengths and weaknesses, we can change the way we think and, in turn, change what we desire^vi.

My Custom-Designed Toolbox

To gain an accurate self-perspective, thereby avoiding feelings of jealousy, we can look to the first and last of the Torah’s Ten Commandments. The first commandment says, “I am Hashem, Your God,” and the last one says, “You shall not covet.” These commandments are connected because you first must own the knowledge that Hashem is the ultimate Source of all creation, that He provides each being with precisely the physical and spiritual needs that they need to thrive in the world. Desiring what others have goes against this belief.

Each person has a “custom-designed box of tools”—talents, circumstances, and possessions—given by Hashem to complete their mission in life. Just like a chef needs specific tools for cooking and a doctor needs medical tools, we don’t need what others have because it won’t help us fulfill our purpose.

If we understand that Hashem provides us with exactly what we need, we can control our desires and stop feelings of jealousy. We must elevate our perspective and understanding that we have exactly what we need in order to stay focused on fulfilling our unique mission and grow closer to our spiritual potential.

In short: The Torah teaches us that while the emotion of jealousy seems natural, we have the power and responsibility to control our thoughts before we get to the point where we think someone else has something that we should have.

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