If Looks Could Kill
Years ago, I remember upsetting my brother. Now, that wasn’t so memorable, because I was the annoying kid brother and he was the annoyed big brother. It was a common occurrence.
I don’t remember what led to the kerfuffle but I do remember that my mother broke up whatever it was, and my brother gave me a dirty look. I mean, it was probably laced with contempt and ire, and many of you with siblings can relate. That’s where the memorable part came in.
My mother said, “Boy, if looks could kill…” to which my brother laughed and finished the sentence, saying, “… I’d be a murderer.” It was a funny line and I give him credit for that.
The thing is that it’s not really a joke. Doesn’t Abaye say that 99% of people die from Ayin Hara (the evil eye)? That means that looks CAN kill, and they often do.
The Power of the Evil Eye
I don’t know how that works, but there are some explanations about how jealousy and Ayin Hara work by summoning us, and the person we’re jealous of, to judgment in Heaven. Not a good thing, to walk into a police station when you’ve committed a crime and they’re looking for you.
Social Dynamics and Their Impact
Extrapolating on that idea, though, there are multiple ways that looks can kill. Imagine someone walks into a simchah (joyous occasion celebration). She’s so happy to be there (likely it’s a woman because most guys are happy when they DON’T get invited to simchot) but as she enters, she meets eyes with some other women. Their faces fall as they see her, and the disdain and dislike are obvious. The new arrival wishes she was dead.
When someone comes up with an idea that you think is ridiculous, but they’re very proud of, if you don’t control your reaction, you very well could “spill blood” by embarrassing them, plus you will keep them from making suggestions in the future, thereby stifling and suffocating their creativity.
Choosing How to See Things
How else can we explain looks? How we judge the things we see. For example, I remember once when a teenager was leading the davening. He was nervous and flustered and misspoke, saying the wrong word.
I felt for him, especially since it once happened to me and I was so embarrassed I didn’t lead the davening for years afterwards. Someone else commented, “He’s changing the matbea (format) of tefillah (prayer)!” and implied the guy deserved the death penalty or something. That’s horrible. Why would you be so negative when you see something you could see differently?
The Contagion of Negativity
Choosing to be negative, and seeing things in a bad light, can not only suck the life out of everything but cause serious harm. The negativity is contagious, and can cause other people to become negative as well. When Pharaoh finally agreed to free the Jews after ten horrific plagues, he changed his mind and chased after them because someone said they “ran away.” That didn’t end well for the Egyptians. How ridiculous, but also enlightening. How you phrase things, based on your perspective, will affect how they are perceived by others. You have tremendous power, and should be careful how you wield it.
Looks Can Give Life
And there’s a fantastic corollary that you ought to know. The Gemara (Talmud) in Sanhedrin says Adam was created as the solitary being in the world to teach us that one who takes a life is as if he destroyed the entire world. Conversely, one who saves a life is as if he saved an entire world.
Following this logic, you can infer that just as looks can kill, looks can save lives! Or GIVE life!
The Power of Positive Perception
That’s right. You can change the course of history for the better with how you look, in any of the ways we’ve described it. When you look positively at a circumstance, or when you brighten and perk up when you see someone, you are giving life. To yourself, to others, and to the whole vibe of the world. When you don’t look at others with jealousy, but find a way to be happy for them, you’re avoiding being dragged for judgment by a Heavenly court, and you’ll be saving your own life.
Jealousy steals the joy from your existence and you’re doing it to yourself. The important thing to remember is that your eyes take things in, and send those signals to your brain for interpretation, which is how you “see” things. That means you can decide and choose what you see. Take the time to think and reflect on it, and if you’re fortunate, you’ll see the world in a whole new light.
By Rabbi Jonathan Gewirtz
Rabbi Gewirtz (Operation Inspiration) welcomes comments and feedback. Write to him at info@JewishSpeechWriter.com to share your thoughts. You never know when you may be the lamp that enlightens someone else.
