Ask the Rabbi with Rabbi Chaim Mintz
We have a family member who is terminally ill, and each time they think the person is dying, the family is called to come. But it is becoming increasingly difficult to keep going back and forth each time. How important is it for us to be there at the time of the death, and how far should we go to be there?
Rabbi Chaim Mintz responds:
Death: The Departing of the Soul
Death is the time that the soul and body part ways. Every person is made up of a body and a soul. A Jewish soul originates from the highest places in Heaven, right near Hashem’s “Holy Throne.” The soul is sent down to this world to join a human body, and through Torah study and the performance of Hashem (God)’s mitzvot, it earns a place in the World to Come. The presence of the soul in the body is what keeps the person alive in this world, and the moment the soul leaves the body is the moment of death.
But death is not the “end of the world,” or a person’s final destination, and when a person dies, life is not over. While the body – the clothing of the soul – is laid to rest, the soul lives on, and returns to the upper worlds, where it will hopefully earn a prominent place in the World of Souls. But since the soul has been down on this world for many years, especially someone who passes away at a ripe old age, as it heads back to the upper spheres it is overwhelmed at the new surroundings.
A Calming Effect
For this reason, it is calming for the soul to have people there – specifically people it recognizes, or a minyan (quorum of ten men) – as it transitions into the next world. While it is not an obligation to be there, it is a kindness we can do for the departing soul. So you should try to have someone there if possible, but you don’t have to go all out to make sure everyone is there. If you cannot all keep going each time, I suggest you make a rotation, and have different family members come at different times.
In short: It is not an obligation to be there as s/he is dying, but it is a kindness for the departing soul to have some people there as it transitions back to its original source. You can make a rotation, and have different family members coming at different times.
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